If You Give Your Wife a Washing Machine

With Apologies to Laura Numeroff

Last year we remodeled our bathroom.  We didn’t start out planning to do a bathroom remodel.  We started out needing a new washing machine and through a convoluted string of events, we ended up with a new washing machine, a laundry room remodel, and a new master bathroom.  We are now very happy with these things, but I think my husband might be scarred. So, gather around, and I’ll tell you how this story would go if my husband were telling it to a room of preschoolers.

If You Give Your Wife a Washing Machine as told by Chloe’s Husband

Every woman’s dream: a matching pair

No matter what you do, you never allow Chloe’s washing machine to die because if it does then you’ll just have to buy Chloe a new one, and if you buy Chloe a brand new washing machine then the next thing you know she’s going to want a new matching dryer.  

And when you buy Chloe a new washing machine and a new matching dryer, then you will find that, of course, those new front-loading machines won’t fit where the old machine used to sit, so that will mean that you’ll need to move the plumbing. 

Laundry Room Plumbing

But if you move the plumbing, then Chloe will realize that the wall where the new plumbing needs to go is also the same wall where the old, disgusting, moldy shower that Chloe has wanted to knock out since you bought the house is located.

Old Disgusting Shower on other side

Chloe with Ax, self-portrait

….and while you are at work, and totally unaware of what your wife is doing, she will take your ax and RIP OUT YOUR SHOWER!

Laundryroom’s new view

Creating a new view from your toilet that you didn’t want to have.

Live Action Shot of Me, Angry

And when you come home to find what she’s done, and while you stand there looking a lot like this, wondering where your wall went and why in the hell she’s taking your picture….

….she will say, and I quote, “It just makes a lot more sense to replace ALL the plumbing at the same time.”


   …and the next thing you know you’ll be doing an entire bathroom remodel too. 

The End (I wish)


13 thoughts on “If You Give Your Wife a Washing Machine

  1. Hahahahaha!! I love this. I really do. We could just swap stories…I went on a work trip and came home to find a hole 10'x8' in my kitchen floor — literally just the floor joists! — and a set of stairs gone, and…oh, yes, and a 4 and 7 year old "helping Daddy" with sledgehammers and stepping from joist to joist…! =:-o I've got some plans…I wonder if I could get a picture of Dave as I explain we can do all the plumbing at the same time?! Hmmmm…..

  2. This is sort of how my bathroom remodel started…. I just sort of went postal one day and took a small sledgehammer to the wall.He came home and I said, "I needed a new shower." His reply was the famous, "You DON'T need a new f-ing shower!" And thereafter the bathroom remodel was all about the f-ing shower. And, it so happens he decided he DID need an f-ing shower. This is because I suggested it needed to be 5' square and have two shower heads. All the damage I caused was forgiven.Then we moved. To a lovely new house 762 miles from our f-ing shower. And our master bathroom has a 28" square shower. The shower head is at his neck level. He hates it. We need another f-ing shower.

  3. Yes, Kristy, that is in fact a live action shot that I took of him as he was stsanding there mouth agape. I've done so many projects that I didn't photograph and I wanted this one to be well-documented from beginning to end. Maybe someday I'll post the one of him sobbing on the floor. lol

  4. Robin, you have seen it so you know how nice it does it up. He ended up being happy in the end. But there was some yelling and maybe sobbing.

  5. This went backwards in our house – I asked my husband to replace the broken mirror in the hall bath before I hosted a ladies Sunday School meeting, and he completely remodeled the bath (moving the toilet from one side of the room to the other, new vanity, floor, cabinets, the whole nine yards) and painted the living room, kithcen, breakfast room and hallway.

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