>Dear Family and Friends,
It is that time of year again to share with you our adventures in this journey we call life. 2008 has been another year of magic and wonder. Since 2008 doesn’t make any sense without a little recap of 2007, let’s start there.
Some of you might recall that Chloe rushed across the country to her mother’s hospital bedside in October of 2007 to find her on the brink of death, penniless, without any medical insurance whatsoever, and owing the IRS over $100,000 in unpaid back taxes. When Chloe went to her mother’s house she was amazed to find a special box addressed just to her with 2 years of unopened letters from the IRS. Chloe wondered why she was singled out and her siblings weren’t included in this surprise present, but no answers appear to be forthcoming.
In the face of nearly insurmountable odds, Chloe’s mother survived a major filleting by a skilled pro-bono surgeon, a flight across the country 12 days after her surgery against the surgeon’s advice, 5 rounds of chemo, 2 rounds of radiation, and innumerable rounds through the social services system, and appears to have beat Stage 4 colorectal cancer. She now lives independently in a senior apartment complex and is walking 2 miles everyday to the grocery store. Betsy Wetsy, Chloe’s mother’s heinous poodle, also made the trip and now the toothless, hideous excuse for a dog provides hours of companionship and joy to Chloe’s mother. The IRS is still out there but Chloe can’t afford to pay the fees to file paperwork to try to settle 10 years of back taxes, so oh well.
Chloe really had no time to grieve or deal with any emotions over her mother’s illness since immediately after returning home she had to turn her attention to her 18 year old daughter’s wedding to The Hunter. What a festive time it was. Apparently, seeing a virgin get married is so profound that the entire town complained that they weren’t invited. But Chloe and The Tick stood firm on the guest list and refused to host a countywide purity retreat slash water and Jolly Rancher fete, as was suggested by one person, and their daughter enjoyed a beautiful wedding anyways. Chloe has almost forgotten the part where her mother threw a full on temper tantrum in the foyer right before the wedding because Chloe wasn’t paying enough attention to her.
Princess Sweetie Pea and The Hunter are coming up on their first anniversary. Due to an unexpected turn of events (unexpected by PSP and TH; Chloe saw the disaster coming a mile away!), they, and their fat Labrador who routinely steals butter off the counter, are currently living rent free with Chloe and The Tick but have made an offer on their first home and are now in escrow. The couple continues to appear deliriously happy despite all dire warnings from concerned parties to the contrary. PSP did not go to college this last semester garnering sad head shaking and sighs of disappointment from worried relatives and assorted other anxious busybodies who seem to feel a need to let Chloe know that they always thought her daughter would amount to something.
Chloe is nearly sick from all the blood she’s swallowed from biting her tongue in the last few months. She ought to be nominated for some sort of maternal sainthood or Nobel Prize for her Herculean show of self-restraint in keeping her mouth shut and her opinions to herself. Despite knowing deep in her heart that PSP and TH have a lot to learn, Chloe loves them passionately and vehemently defends their right to start out life ignorant and boneheaded like the rest of us.
Right after the wedding, Chloe was thrown into a tailspin of depression. When she wasn’t ferrying her mother back and forth to chemo and radiation appointments, she would stay in bed for days on end, refusing to shower or change out of her pajamas. The Tick, quite concerned, forced her to buy an airplane ticket and fly to a reunion in Huntington Beach to meet up with a bunch of friends Chloe had never met before. She had a wonderful time sleeping with strangers, driving recklessly through LA in a gutless Chevy Cobra, breaking into Jacuzzis after hours, and drinking mojitos with other Christian homeschooling mothers.
Chloe returned home from her wanton adventures to find out that her son just might have a drug addiction problem. She suspected this before her escapade but had been negligently reassured by an overpriced licensed professional that her son’s drug experimentation was completely normal for today’s teenager. Maybe Tom Cruise was right about psychiatry after all.
After much agony, Chloe and The Tick pulled their heads out of their…..the ground….made the most difficult decision of their married lives and mortgaged what little equity might have remained in their home to send their son to Capstone Treatment Center in Arkansas. It was the best decision they could have made even if it does mean they will spend their retirement years living on government cheese in a yurt next to the freeway.
Wolfie is now home and finishing high school. The little twerp is doing 3-4 chapters a day in Bob Jones Economics AND American Government so that he can graduate high school in January. It is frustrating to no end that he’s so smart and makes such stupid decisions, but Chloe and The Tick love him more than the sun and the moon and the stars and so they will never give up and never give in no matter what it takes. Chloe and The Tick hope to see the day when his frontal lobe develops and overpowers his amazing level of testosterone and overactive amygdala.
Through most of this year, Chloe hasn’t taken nearly as many psych meds as you’d imagine and probably far less than she actually needed. The Tick has been amazing and supportive and hasn’t taken up boozing with other women, even though Chloe would sort of understand if he did.
Chloe loves her Sonlight friends even though she did announce in a flourish earlier in the year that she was leaving and then went back with her tail between her legs which is incredibly lame and makes her look foolish and addicted to the forums which she is. She doesn’t even homeschool anymore for goodness sakes!
She feels that her major achievements this year were starting a blog and not committing suicide. Chloe plans on a quiet year for 2009 where she hopes to overcome her newly aquired anxiety disorder and relearns how to sleep without Ambien.
She and The Tick wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.