>Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen

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One year ago, I was helping my daughter plan her wedding. My son was doing so well in school and was being promoted at work. Our finances couldn’t have been rosier. Yeah, we had a wedding to pay for, but work was good and plentiful and life was great. I’d just come off a very successful youth ministry pursuit and all was right with my world.

People called me “wise” and seemed to look with admiration upon my life’s accomplishments. Hadn’t I done well? And with so little, too. I felt pretty marvelous, too. I had a beautiful daughter being courted by a godly man. A tall, handsome, talented son actively serving the Lord. All was good and right with my world and I could look with pity upon those less fortunate than I; those poor souls who hadn’t been as “wise” as I had been. Clearly, I’d been blessed.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I cannot help but imagine that God and Satan had a discussion and God asked Satan, “Have you considered my servant Chloe?” And Satan said, “Have you not put a hedge around her and her household and everything she has? You have blessed the work of her hands? But stretch out your hand and strike everything she has, and she will surely curse you to your face.”

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I just spent 30 minutes writing a list of everything that has transpired in the last year and all that I’m struggling with right now, but I deleted it because I detest whining, even from myself. Suffice it to say that things are not as they were a year ago and that in the past year I have walked through much. Waaaa, waa, waaaaaaaaaaa.

I’ve gotten some caring emails from people wondering if I’m depressed. WHAT DO YOU THINK? Yes, I’m depressed. I’m sick with anguish and worry and discontent. I’ve been taking anti-anxiety medication for which I routinely beat myself up about because I ought to be stronger than this. But I’m not. I’ve really had it.

What I feared has come upon me;
what I dreaded has happened to me.

I have no peace, no quietness;
I have no rest, but only turmoil.” (Job 3:25-26)

Just so you know, I do think it is rather lamentable when someone compares their anguish to Job’s and I give myself no quarter here. I’m lamentable. I wish I could be positive and uplifting and spout some pithy platitude about God’s goodness and mercy, but right now I just feel like crap. I do have hope and I do know that there will be an end to this trouble and I will look back on it with some understanding and growth. But not right this second.

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8 thoughts on “>Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen

  1. >I think we often forget we have an enemy. God does say that “in this life, there shall be tribulations”I think we forget. We also forget how “resist the devil” so that he “will flee from us”I swim in the pool of strife and difficulties near constantly in my home. I often wonder what the hell I ever had these kids for.No, I’m not a perfect mom, who is by the way? And they sure as heck aren’t perfect kids.I’m trying to keep from drinking myself into oblivion……..hang in there Chloe. P.S. Do you ever watch Joyce Myers on television? She helps me a lot.

  2. >And unlike Job’s friends, I will simply hug you and say I am praying for you. I have always been a little annoyed by Romans 8:28, myself. Then I read the next chapter of the study I started mid-summer and shelved for a few weeks. Like 6. Today’s chapter pointed out that Romans 8:28 is usually taken out of the context of 8:29– For whom he foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His son. Crap. I hate it when God sees right through me and throws me one of those curveballs that force me to become more conformed to the image of His son… meek, sacrificial. Ugh.The next paragraph highlights Isaiah 61:1-3, The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring the good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives, and freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.Chloe, you know what makes bad things happen to good people. Sin. And it rains on the just and the unjust. If all we can do is hold our heads in our hands and cry out, Abba, Father! Then we have done well. If we can be sustained in His love, and be a beacon of hope to others, then He will say, thou good and faithful servant. While our days seem crappy– you encourage me. By your transparency I can see Jesus holding you up. And in turn, despite my feeling like a failure with MY son, I have two women who have sons still yet 8, who are both confiding in me regularly about the same sin problem in their sons…. and I encourage them. God gives us each other to pray for one another. Our purpose, though, is to bring glory to Him. We can do that, no matter what our kids do. Yadda yadda yadda….

  3. >Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face. Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverance, for no godless man would dare come before him! (Words from Job)Jesus is holding me up. Even though I feel every moment of everyday that I’m letting him down. I should be more joyful, more hopeful, more like Him, but I’m noy. Some days the very best I can do is say, “There is a God and He is in control.”This is life. Kids go astray. Unions strike, Married children move on with their lives. I am not immune to life. And this is life. And sometimes it hurts and it is scary. But Jesus is here and He is sustaining me despite my weaknesses and my shortcomings. In Him will I trust.

  4. >Yeah, you know in regard to your last sentence on the blog entry: I think we can all give you a second or two to lament a tad.Loving you, no matter what.And absolutely confident that despite your terrible pain, there IS hope. The God of Heaven loves you!!! (I am praying right now that you will take a moment to close your eyes and remind yourself of that TRUTH. You are His beloved.)

  5. Yeah, you know in regard to your last sentence on the blog entry: I think we can all give you a second or two to lament a tad.Loving you, no matter what.And absolutely confident that despite your terrible pain, there IS hope. The God of Heaven loves you!!! (I am praying right now that you will take a moment to close your eyes and remind yourself of that TRUTH. You are His beloved.)

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