We got our scheduled phone call last night from the treatment center and were told that my son had chosen to decline his phone call. His father and I had sat all day waiting for this few minutes we would have to talk to him. And he declined his call. How this works is that a staff member makes the call and then hands the phone to your child and you get your 10 minutes. Tonight the staff member called and then said, “Your son has decided to decline his call tonight. He’s doing well.” I said, “Thank you” and went to hang up. The staff member I think was trying to soften the blow and wanted to tell me something good about how he’s doing, but I just reiterated my “Thank you.” And hung up. I don’t want to hear from the staff member about how good his is getting along there with the guys or whatever. My son declined his call home tonight. Maybe he’ll call on Friday or maybe not. I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.
You know, somebody out there is either going through this or will go through this and so I’ll write about this even though I’m humiliated. Everything I thought we’d done right…………………It doesn’t even matter. It’s all futile. God controls everything. He has all the cards. It feels like we’re nothing more than a pawn in this sick game that goes nowhere. Why bother? I have never felt this depressed and hopeless in my life. What was it all for anyway?